


It Leaves a Mark

by ASingleMind



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Agoraphobia, Anxiety, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Maladaptive Habits, Older Varian (Disney), PTSD, Panic Attacks, Ruddiger is best anti-anxiety blanket, Varian Needs a Hug (Disney), Varian but with a few extra years to stew
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASingleMind/pseuds/ASingleMind
Summary: In the wake of a lab accident, old anxieties resurface.Or in which Varian continues to let bad habits run unchecked.Set a few years post-series.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Rapunzel, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian, Team Awesome - Relationship, Varian & Xavier the Blacksmith (Disney: Tangled)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 99





	It Leaves a Mark

**Author's Note:**

> When I started watching Tangled, I never thought it would be the show to bring me back to writing fac fics but here are!
> 
> This fic was inspired by this bit of fan art (it has no spoilers) https://originaldisneydescendants.tumblr.com/post/170876592759/i-love-the-song-by-mercyme-so-this-happened-also Go show it some love!
> 
> Anyways, this sort of spiraled way past both the art that inspired it and also my own expectations.

_I can’t do this._

It was with a slowly winding knot that Varian realized what was about to happen. He hadn’t been sure why Rapunzel had asked him to be part of this particular ceremony as he was quickly ushered to the front courtyard. He had just been on his way out after dropping off a prototype for a more efficient water heating unit with the royal engineering department.

Drop it off, make pleasantries with the staff, show his face to the new intern, listen to Xavier ramble a bit, and then he was free. He had already pathed the most efficient route between his point of entry and exit. There hadn’t been time to have Ruddiger scout ahead.

Nigel had cornered him promptly after leaving the lab. Varian couldn’t really fault the man for it—organization was Nigel’s job. He had probably gotten word that Varian would be stopping by today. Nigel had at least waited (with some visible impatience) until Varian was done his errand.

“Master Varian, your presence has been requested for today’s proclamation. _Urgently._ ” Nigel said, emphasizing the last word in a way that only a voice that nasally could do. Varian peered over Nigel’s shoulder at the procession of an increasing number of important figures heading towards the front of the castle.

“…I suppose you’re not going to let me go then?”

“ _No._ ”

“Rats” was the last word Varian got in before Nigel began pushing the younger man down the hall, carefully avoiding touching Ruddiger as he did so.

Now, staring at a point in the horizon above the crowd in front of him, Varian felt each thread tightening as Rapunzel’s speech trailed towards its inevitable conclusion.

“…for generations, my family has guided Corona through times both prosperous and dark.”

Varian continued to tug at the collar of his shirt, feeling the stiff leather of his glove scratch against his skin. It didn’t seem to be helping as another breath rattled its way in and out of his chest. Ruddiger chittered on his shoulder.

“…as a light, shining through the grim.”

Why did it have to be _him_ again? Any of the engineers could explain any of their recent civil projects.

“…once, we let lanterns fly so that a lost princess might follow them home. Now we send them to honour our continued legacy.”

More importantly, what was so important about this particular proclamation that so many of Corona’s citizens had to be here? His eyes wandered to another point on the horizon, keeping his gaze level.

“…and so we are proud to announce that the new royal family will soon be expecting their first child.”

Oh. That would be why. His heart pounded.

“And to welcome our new addition to the family we will be expanding the east wing of the castle.”

Varian did not like where this was going. He was happy for them certainly, but given how urgently he had been dragged out the ceremony…

“The design and infrastructure of which will be headed by our resident expert.”

He was _what now?_

“Rapunzel, I—” Varian began, immediately choking on his words as the crowd betrayed its growing excitement in an overwhelming cheer. Varian almost flinched but held himself tighter.

“And now we would like to give the floor, so to speak, to my good friend and royal engineer—”

Varian could feel the prickly sensation of many pairs of eyes homing in on him. He did not turn to meet them. Chest tight, he broke is sky-watching vigil and turned to the royal couple—his friends, and—

“Varian!” Rapunzel said, absolutely beaming. The crowd gave a modest cheer. By Demanitus, her smiles were still absolutely radiant even without an infusion of the sun drop. It was almost infectious—but instead it wound the knot in his gut more tightly.

Any other day he might be excited to talk about alchemy or one of his other science projects. A day where the royal couple _hadn’t_ just announced that _he_ was heading a project for _their child_ of all things. That he was being tasked with. All the responsibility, the obligations the—a child. How had he missed this? How long had they known for? Why didn’t he—he would have asked right, had he noticed? What he really needed was—

A day where he wasn’t standing in front of so many familiar faces.

“Earth to Varian” someone said quietly, just behind him. Varian almost jumped out of his skin. That might have actually been preferable. Turning with jolt, Varian saw that the speaker was none other than Eugene. Who had somehow managed to slip just past him. More softly, Eugene continued “You alright there buddy?”

Some words slipped loose from his tightening rib cage. He could feel them building up against the back of his throat until—“I, I- _I’m **fine**._” Varian replied a little too loudly. He could sense the crowd wincing at the intensity. Ruddiger’s chittering eased into cooing as he patted the side of Varian’s face. Eugene’s smile strained a little under the awkwardness.

Right. A speech. He could do this—he had to. There would be no escape at this point short of fainting on the spot. He would need to tell them how honoured he was and…give his blessings for the child? That was something you did in this situation, right?

Varian gave the best smile he could manage, his breath hitching. He turned away from Eugene and moved straight toward the central balcony.

From his new vantage point Varian had the perfect view of the courtyard. Which would have meant more if he looked anywhere below the arch of the courtyard entrance behind the crowd. The sun suddenly seemed much harsher. It made his eyes water. Gripping the cool stonework balcony to steady himself, he mustered as much tenacity as he could to clamp down in his growing nervousness.

“I…, we, are all _delighted_ to hear of this wonderful news.”

_Don’t look down, don’t look down._

“That the royal lineage, and the legacy of Corona, will continue forth.”

_Don’t look at them, don’t look at their faces._

_Don’t—_

“Mommy look!”

He looked. Standing just shy of the front of the crowd was brown-haired woman dressed in a simple smock. On her shoulders sat a small girl, barely six years from what he could see, pointing up at him. The goggles sitting on her head tumbled down around her face as she shook with excitement. “That’s him! I told you he’d be here.”

The mother smiled, reaching up to adjust the goggles dangling around her daughter’s neck.

_She knows she knows she knows—she’s too young to remember—the mother knows, she knows._

“Continuing to shine as a beacon of hope for the kingdom of the sun.”

His eyes darted away from the pair, crossing paths with a myriad of faces in the crowd.

_I can see them, see how they’re looking._

“And I could not be happier for them, a—and honoured to be made a part of it.”

The crowd cheered uproariously. Varian let go of a breath that he had not realized he was holding and stepped away from the crowd. His hands shook with the sudden release from their grip on the balcony. The twinges were almost painful as his muscles adjusted.

Quickly moving out of the way, the alchemist returned to his original standing position. As Rapunzel and Eugene moved to replace him on the balcony, waving at their citizenry, Varian slipped to the back of the procession.

* * *

After a long session of congratulatory schmoozing from various nobility, Eugene finally closed the doors to their sitting room. He had expected the tittering but hadn’t quite realized how persistent some the upper crust had been. Rapunzel let out an audible sigh of relief as she heard the heavy doors shut.

For now at least, they had a moment of reprieve before they both returned to the rest of their duties for the day.

“I think we’ve _both_ had enough of that for at least week.” Eugene said as he turned back toward his wife. It was a view he would never tire of.

“You do realize that this _is_ going to be most of our week, right dear?” Rapunzel replied.

“Don’t remind me.”

Rapunzel chuckled. “Don’t forget that announcing it this early was _your_ idea.”

“Can you blame me? This is the best news I’ve gotten in months—aside from finding out that baldness does not, in fact, run in the family.”

“I know! I’m just so glad we were finally able to—”

“Make one of the most important decisions of our young lives?”

“Yes!”

“It was at least the most fun thing we’ve done in a while.” Eugene smirked. Rapunzel giggled and threw one of the throw pillows at him. “Woah sunshine, save some of that energy for later! I don’t intend on having an only child.”

“That’s good. Because I was hoping for _at least_ three.”

They both grinned at that. It was moments like this that made Eugene so, _so_ glad that he had decided he loved Rapunzel enough to follow her through hell and back. Rapunzel’s smile faltered a bit as she looked back to the centre table in front of them, folding her hands in her lap.

“What’s eating at you sunshine?”

“It’s…about Varian.”

“I think I’ve heard this one before.”

“We’ve been so busy, what with trying to keep this under wraps, running the kingdom…”

“Dealing with nobles who are _way_ too absorbed in their own affairs to get anything meaningful done.”

“That too.” Rapunzel sighed.

“So what’s this really about?”

“Has Varian always been so…”

“Tense?” Eugene supplied. “The kid has always been a bit of nervous wreck.”

“Don’t let him hear you call him that.”

“Duly noted. But I’ll admit, ever since…” It wasn’t often that Eugene hesitated on something. “…he asked to move his workshop outside of the castle grounds I’ve barely seen hide nor hair of him. I can only remember a handful of times I we’ve spoken more than few words to each other in the last couple months. Admittedly, we _are_ quite busy but—”

“He was trying _really_ hard out there not to bolt. I know he was trying to hide it, but something was clearly wrong.” Rapunzel insisted, abruptly turning to Eugene, lacing her fingers between his.

“I saw how Nigel pushed him out into the courtyard. I don’t think he read our missive about the ceremony.”

“A missive…we haven’t exactly been very available to talk, have we?”

“I think that comes with the territory of being royalty dear. But I also don’t think any of us have tried to make time to really see each other either.”

“Perhaps it’s timed we checked on our favorite alchemist, then.” Rapunzel said, some of her smile returning.

“Rapunzel.” Eugene warned.

“Perhaps it’s time for a little… _team awesome_?” Rapunzel said giggling.

“Sunshine—”

“Sorry! I just, I miss the old days sometimes, you know?”

“Missing running for our lives, fighting magical demons and dodging black rocks left right and centre, are we now?”

“You have to admit it was pretty exciting.”

“My premature grey hairs would have to agree with you on that.”

“So…?” Rapunzel chided.

“I’ll check on him, don’t worry. I think it’s time we had one of our little hang outs.”

* * *

_Sunlight gently trickled across their hammock through the pristine foliage of one of the royal gardens. An easy breeze glided through, gently turning the pages of open books strewn across the grass beneath them. The castle grounds were rarely quiet per se, but this was one of the few spots that afforded the luxury of muffling the general hum._

_“…but like a true hero, Flynnigan Rider was not one to run from danger as the Earl Camanbare’s guards unsheathed their swords upon him!”_

_“Oh-oh this is one my favourite parts—Rider pulled out his own blade, and leaping up on the dining hall table, grinned devilishly as the guards stared him down.” Varian said excitedly._

_“The Earl’s guards were not ones to be mocked. Their swords flew to Rider.”_

_“In a flurry of blades, Rider parried each and every one of the guards surrounding him.”_

_“And then ducking and weaving under the storm of blades around him, Rider narrowly slipped out from under the guard’s attack.”_

_“The guards, realizing that their target had escaped their grasp, began frantically looking around for the thief.”_

_“From the doorway Rider turned back and shouted—"_

_“[Hey boys! Mind if I get my man back?](https://sbartdump.tumblr.com/post/615328809632350208/day-8-team-awesome)” Rapunzel called out. Both Varian and Eugene turned to face her at the sudden interruption. Even Ruddiger turned up from his spot nestled between the legs of his two companions._

_“We were just getting to the best—” Varian started. “—I mean, of course your majesty.”_

_Rapunzel giggled. Blushing, Varian attempted to exit the hammock by way pulling himself over Ruddiger and the edge of hammock. Ruddiger chittered in annoyance, wrapping himself around the leg of the young alchemist. Varian promptly tumbled onto the ground, followed by the book he had been holding. Both royals were chuckling now. Varian made one of his signature small distressed noises._

_“It’s alright Varian. You don’t have to keep up formalities when it’s just us.” Rapunzel said._

_“I mean yeah, you’ve_ said _that but it just feels weird.”_

 _Not missing a beat, “Alright then_ master Varian,” _Rapunzel teased._

_“…on second thought, Rapunzel is a perfectly fine form of address.” All of them were laughing now._

_Eugene lifted himself off the hammock much more smoothly. He stretched gently, and then knelt down to begin picking up some of the books. Stacking them in two uneven piles, the much larger of which being carried by the captain, he and Varian carried them back towards the castle._

_“So…same time next week Eugene?” Varian offered._

_“Ah, I would, but next week’s the Summer Solstice and I would be terribly remiss if I, uh, missed that.”_

_“Right.”_

_“But I definitely want to do this again. Being royalty as well as acting Captain has been killer on my work-life balance! All work no play makes Eugene a_ very _tired man.” Eugene said. Varian and Rapunzel both chuckled at that. It was good to be at peace among friends, after having been through so much strife just a few months ago._

_As the trio parted ways by the castle entrance, Eugene called out “Don’t be a stranger kid!”_

_“I told you to stop calling me that!”_

* * *

Varian had only a few minutes before the rest of the royal procession followed him to the interior of the castle. He spent the first minute leaning against a bannister, recovering from harsh gaze of the sun and the crowd. He _really_ needed to spend more time outside. The next minute he mulled over whether it would be better to hunt down whoever had the inspired idea of assigning him to this new construction project now or later. The last minute he spent rubbing his arms in a half hug to try to encourage some warmth into the sudden cold feeling in his stomach.

There was no way he was going to let this rest without leaving. Mustering some of his usual punkish determination, he set out towards the engineering workshop. Surely someone there would know.

Unsurprisingly, the shop was empty. The team would be quick to descend upon the free lunch that followed the ceremony. The workshop was still as messy as ever—organized chaos seemed to be a common trait amongst the team. Carefully tiptoeing around some design drafts that had drifted to the floor, he made his way over to where they had left his prototype. He’d only been gone maybe an hour, but they had already begun tinkering with the apparatus. The blueprints he had sent with it lay unopened on the table beside it.

 _Guys, I get that challenge of figuring something out is half the fun, but I_ do _send blueprints for a reason._

Doing a quick walk around of the device, he frowned. How had they managed to disentangle so much of the contents of the back panel already? Rolling up his sleeves, he moved to rework the machine his other goal forgotten.

Varian wasn’t sure how long he spent making his adjustments. Undoing their work had been one thing, but he had slowly realized the ulterior purpose to their machinations. They had rethreaded some of the piping that fed into the amniotic fluid chamber to divert the tubes farther away from sensitive pieces. They’d caught his error.

 _Careless. Stupid. Can you imagine how many people would have been hurt if this had been installed according to_ your _plans?_

“Somehow I thought I’d find you hiding here.” Eugene said casually.

Varian nearly jumped out of skin. Again. Just when his nerves had begun to settle down they were shot through with ice.

“A-ah Eugene. Your highness. I was just making some more adjustments to the prototype.”

“No need for the formalities. It’s just us.” Eugene said as he gave an easy smile. It helped Varian’s nerves a bit. He managed a small smile for the older man.

“If you say so. Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to it. I was almost done.”

“You know kid, I’m surprised you’re not taking advantage of the free food. I mean, your stipend is _generous_ to say the least, but nothing beats what Corona’s best kitchens can whip up.” Eugene continued, ignoring the annoyed look Varian gave him.

Varian couldn’t possibly show up to such an event—between the stuffy people and the richer food, it was just _too much_. The food was certainly delectable when he could taste it, but it was also heavy. He could barely stomach more than a few bites, and it would set him for hours. Then there would be no one and nothing to distract him. Or worse yet, a group of gaggling nobles would set their curiosity on Corona’s infamous alchemist.

“It’s not really my scene, sorry Eugene. I’ll grab some of the leftovers if there are any.” Varian replied evenly. He closed the back panel, satisfied with his work. “Also, I believe I told you not to call me kid anymore. I am legally an adult now you know.”

Ruddiger twirled and leaped off Varian’s shoulder, running off towards the shop entrance.

“Right right.” Eugene replied. Varian rolled his eyes. “Look I’ll level with you Varian.” Eugene maintained. Without warning, the older man reached out to place a hand on Varian’s shoulder. Varian flinched at the unexpected stimulation. The touch was harmless, but Varian had enough sensations rolling around in his gut as it was.

“The real reason I came by was to—woah. Am I what’s scaring you?”

“Scaring me? No, I was just surprised.” Varian denied.

Eugene did not seem convinced. He also didn’t move his hand from the alchemist’s shoulder. Feeling the wiry shape of Varian’s frame, the royal looked surprised.

“I know you’ve never been the athletic type, but your shoulders are downright bony. Have you been eating much lately?” It wouldn’t be the first time Varian had been known to skip a meal or two.

“I eat when I’m hungry.” Which admittedly wasn’t often, but Varian got by.

“And do you get hungry at least two or three times a day?” Eugene questioned.

“At least once, usually.” Varian said casually. _Sometimes less._ He wasn’t particularly concerned about it. He wasn’t very physically active. He ate when he needed to.

Eugene raised an eyebrow.

“Usually? Varian, you looked like were about to keel over today during the ceremony. In fact, you still look pretty pale.” Eugene insisted. Varian still hadn’t made to brush off Eugene’s hand. As much as it had initially bothered him, it felt strangely reassuring. “I realize we’ve been asking for a lot from you, what with being _the_ royal engineer, but if it’s too much, well, that’s part of why we brought on the rest of the team. To help shoulder the burden.”

Varian knew why the rest of the workshop had been hired on. It was appreciated, and it certainly made implementing city-wide projects easier, but he preferred to do the core work in solitude.

“I’m fine Eugene. I prefer to do my work alone, you know how it is. Well, I mean, not completely alone.” Eugene smiled softly. The thought of Varian’s raccoon companion was cute, but it was no substitute for human interaction.

Varian needed to shift topics. Then, remembering why he had wandered into the workshop to begin with, “Say Eugene, I was actually wondering whose idea it was to put me in charge of the new project? I mean, it’s not that I’m not honoured—I am—but anyone here could do it. Architecture isn’t really my specialty.”

“I mean we all know that alchemy is your thing, but you’ve shown, uh diverse applications with it. I mean, the heated water required an understanding of infrastructure that extended beyond simple alchemy—"

“Someone recommended me, didn’t they?”

“That would be a yes.” Eugene admitted. Varian raised an eyebrow. When no further explanation came, Varian sighed.

“Well, who was it?” Varian asked. Euguene paused, and then smiled knowingly.

“Tell you what. If you want to know, you’ll have to come back to the castle. Next Friday, you, me, and Flynnigan Rider.”

Varian folded his arms.

“And I’ll let you talk my ear off about alchemy, or engineering or whatever else is on your mind.”

Varian raised an eye brow.

“Aaand I promise that you will have my absolute full attention during all of it.” 

Varian chuckled. “Well all right then.”

“Perfect! Same time, same place as last time. I’ll bring the snacks.”

“And I’ll bring the books.”

The two men shared a laugh, the first in…when _was_ the last time he had hung out with Eugene? Oh, it would been before—

“Oh, and Varian!” Eugene called as he walked out of the shop. “If you ever need anything, and I do mean _anything,_ you won’t hesitate to ask, right?” 

“Of course.”

“Good.”

Varian began packing up his borrowed tools. Remembering where he had found them in the chaos, he carefully placed them back so as if he had never been there.

“Oh, Xavier!” Eugene said just outside the workshop, startled. The man certainly knew how to project this voice. “You’re back early…” Eugene trailed off, speaking too quietly for Varian to hear him. A few moments later, the large blacksmith appeared in the entrance with Ruddiger, who was trilling happily over an apple, in tow. Varian blinked, barely having registered that Ruddiger had even left to begin with.

“Little alchemist!” Xavier greeted. Varian rolled his eyes, but a small smile worked its way across his face. He had long since given up on chiding the old man for his nicknames. Varian had come to take the titles with some grandfatherly affection. Xavier would always welcome the alchemist’s presence, regardless of the circumstance Varian found himself in. “How surprising to find you here past noon…I thought for sure we’d seen the last of you after the ceremony…” Xavier continued.

Chuckling, Varian replied “It’s not like I never come by Xaves! I mean, let’s be honest, this place would probably fall apart without me to check in on it.”

“Of course, of course. It is a wonder how we manage without you. Why, it reminds me…” Xavier began, in his old sage-like way. Varian sensed one of the blacksmith’s patented long-winded rambles coming. There would be no stopping the man once he began, and while Varian had grown to appreciate his mentor’s boundless knowledge of all things Corona, Varian really did need to get back to tracking down whoever had given him his new project.

“Actually Xavier, I just finished readjusting the prototype and I really should be—"

“…that we are not the only ones who might not be able to get by without you.” Xavier finished, unabated by Varian’s interruption. Odd for Xavier to get the point so quickly (although the man retained his usual cryptic way of speaking), Varian noted with some suspicion.

“I ran into your furry friend just outside. Colour me surprised then to find one of my apples missing from my bag…” 

“He’s a raccoon Xaves. He’s always up for stealing a treat.”

“Always an appetite for mischief. But I think what surprised me more was seeing how small he had gotten recently.” Xavier said, a tad more gravely. Varian tilted his head, trying to get a better read on the old man. As always, Xavier’s calm demeanor betrayed no hints of what the man might really be getting at.

At the sound of his name, Ruddiger chittered happily and hurriedly crawled his way up onto Varian’s shoulder. The raccoon patted Varian’s cheek affectionately. Sensing the comforting weight, Varian let loose a small breath.

“He feels about the same to me Xaves. I mean, I don’t exactly track his weight, but I think I’d notice any major changes.”

“A trouble by inches is rarely measured.” Ah, that sounded more like Xavier. “I also noticed that his fur was somewhat unkempt. It’s lacking it’s familiar sheen.”

“Nothing another bath couldn’t fix. It’s been a while.” Varied said casually. Ruddiger whined. “Besides,” Varian continued, reaching up to pet Ruddiger down the length of his back, “Ruddiger is plenty capable of fending for himself.” The animal had proven so, several times over. Varian was…not always the best at looking out for the raccoon when he was caught up in the throes of some scheme. “He survived in the wild well before I—”

Ruddiger _shrieked_ right in Varian’s ear, flinching as the alchemist’s hand found its way across the space of the raccoon’s back between his hind legs. Varian jolted, shocked by the sudden noise. The cold feeling that had been dissipating quickly ensnared itself around his rib cage with new ferocity. Tail bristling, Ruddiger scurried off Varian’s shoulder onto a nearby workbench.

“Ruddiger! What’s gotten into you?!” Varian exclaimed, ear ringing.

“I think, young alchemist, a more pertinent question might be what’s _wrong._ ” Xavier said calmly. Varian stared at the man.

The blacksmith, unbothered by the outburst, slowly turned to where Ruddiger had settled. The creature lay huddled, tailed curled defensively around his shivering body. Two beady eyes peaked out, looking for all the world _hurt._ Whatever about the petting that had spooked Ruddiger, it wasn’t new, at least not to Ruddiger.

Varian had spent enough time with his companion to know that look. Small accidents happened in a lab when you let an animal roam freely. It wasn’t anything he or Ruddiger were surprised by anymore. He was careful enough to never let Ruddiger in while he was doing something particularly delicate or dangerous. And Ruddiger for his part, had learned to navigate the mess of Varian’s workspace. But that look, that _hurt_ in those eyes—this fear ran deeper than commonplace mishaps.

The last time Varian had seen his companion was like this was when he had been building that terrible, terrible automaton in his basement laboratory. Varian internally winced at the memory. Even years later, with the forgiveness of his friends, recollecting that period of his life encroached on a certain uncanny valley.

But all Varian had been doing was petting his friend. It had been years since Varian had gotten caught in the throes of anger and revenge. So why was Ruddiger so scared of him?

Xavier hummed softly. “Little one,” he said rhythmically to the raccoon. “If you would let me…” Xavier said, opening both hands palms up to Ruddiger. “I believe I may be able to help.”

Ruddiger hesitated a moment, and then carefully pushed his tail away from himself, wincing slightly at the effort. Xavier nodded, observing how the muscles at the base of the tail twinged.

Moving with a gentleness that can only be performed by someone used to working with their hands, Xavier slowly ran his calloused hands along Ruddiger’s fur. Varian noticed how Xavier softly worked some of the mats out. When was the last time Varian had brushed Ruddiger?

Humming as he examined the raccoon, Xavier very carefully made his way to where the tail was weaved into the hindquarters between the back thighs. Lightly, more lightly than Varian had been when petting him, Xavier prodded at the problem area. Ruddiger chittered distressingly. Xavier withdrew immediately. “Sorry little one. I won’t bother you any further, you have my word.”

Ruddiger nodded but curled his tail back around. He did not look to Varian.

“There seems to be some bruising along his back.” Xavier intoned. “Do you have any recollection of have this may have transpired?”

“I…” Varian began. He couldn’t think of any recent incidents. But something about saying that didn’t feel right. Something _had_ happened, that much was clear. Varian might not have noticed, somehow, but… Ruddiger _was_ also getting on in years. “…are you sure its not arthritis?” Varian had seen it before in old alley cats. A life outside did not fare well for long-term health, especially in overused joints.

“Perhaps.” Xavier said evenly. “Or perhaps there is something you are struggling to remember.” Xavier was always strangely insightful on things even Varian struggled to recognize in himself. Right now, Varian was feeling oddly resentful of that fact.

Varian looked at Ruddiger again. Ruddiger grinned weakly back at Varian. The trio stood in silence for a few moments, as if waiting would make the memory manifest itself. Sighing deeply, Xavier was the first to try to fill growing space between them.

“Varian.” It wasn’t often that Xavier used his name. “A friend such as you is always welcome in my smithy. If there is anything you ever need…” he trailed off, eyes wandering over the younger man in thought. “…do at least keep what I’ve said in mind.”

“Of course. Rudd and I will take care of each other.” Varian said, not meeting Xavier’s gaze. “This raccoon is long overdue for a bath.” Varian joked, turning to wink at Ruddiger. Chittering softly, Ruddiger slowly make his way towards Varian’s outstretched arm. Seemingly decided that it was safe for the moment, Ruddiger tumbled up into Varian’s arm. Varian gently petted the raccoon, cautiously the sore spot. The alchemist breathed, soothing his aching heart with each stroke. Xavier watched as Varian's breathing slowly began to move in time, following the rhythm of the young man's movements.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is sort of my test to see whether or not I still "got it" for fic writing. Let me know what you think? I really need feedback on this thing.
> 
> I also made a Varian playlist on Spotify (it's less angsty than this fic)! It more or less follows Canon!Varian arc: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/33KvzMJ02THMKvn0LkwZzh?si=M7HyajORQxeezK2k_GF8ow
> 
> Hoping to have the next chapter done within a week!


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